Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
