This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
