I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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