I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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