I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
