But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Still dying that you shit outside
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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