hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
