Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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