if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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