Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
