why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
