thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
