the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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