Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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