puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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