when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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