I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
