I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
