Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
