I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
