I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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