girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
