They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
