I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
