I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
