I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
