Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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