i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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