zippers are such a cool invention
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
