I should be sponsored by Trojan
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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