we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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