Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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