tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
