Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
