some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize