Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
