Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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