I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
