I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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