Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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