Moan for me like Helen Keller
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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