Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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