I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize