Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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