You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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