Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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