I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
