trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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