i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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