oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
