Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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