Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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