4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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