Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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