She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
