you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
