Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
