Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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