Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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