She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
