he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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