well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
