I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
