What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
